Forgive Me; Now Slam The Lid

by KC Baker | Posted on Sunday, October 11th, 2015
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Shamefully, I trudge to the dugout of confession at the First Church of Baseball. Passing the batting helmet of Astros Holy Water on the bench near the stairs, I dip with my right hand and make the “Sign of the Seam” on my left signifying submission. It is time.

Previously on this virtual page, I scooped up soil by the open grave I unilaterally dug for the 2015 Astros.  They had descended to third in the AL West after holding first place for most of this season.  I tossed the dirt on top of the orange coffin and walked away to mourn.  Then my mighty, mighty Stros demanded of me:

“K.C! What the hell? Where’s your faith?”

They clawed out of the tomb I shoved them down and marched to the playoffs.  They summarily dispatched the “elite” New York Yankees like the beloved Jolly Orange Giants I cheered for earlier in the season.  By the by, Carlos “Buckstran” Beltran is a puffy, immensely slower version of the player who once used my hometown as a pawn to squeeze the most dollars out of the New York Mets.  I got all tingly and warm when Gregerson dropped him like a three-foot putt in the 9th.  No my funky friends, I will never let that go.  He’s a total sleaze.

I was wrong to give up on Houston knowing that the commandments say it ain’t over until it’s over.  I ask for forgiveness; I shall never again walk away before the casket is lowered.  Will the Stros make it to the Series?  No one can say.  If they even make it to the October Classic, will they win? Who knows?  But anything can happen because it’s baseball man.  And there is nothing under these stunning Texas blue skies like playoff baseball.  We will be in our seats Monday with orange bells on.

Now that I have been accepted back into the Baseballian Congregation, it is time for a rant.  The MLB says it will “decide” if Houston can close the roof on the JuiceBox when the Royals visit tomorrow (admittedly I’ve heard they agreed to “let” us close it).  Like Butt Selig (I’m not sure of the spelling) demanded that we close the lid when the Chicago White Sox bellyached about the noise in 2005?  Please explain that to me.

The commentators endlessly discussed how hard it would be for the Astros to win amid the din at Yankee Stadium. The Bronx fans are notoriously vicious.  And they did the “bird arm move” to incite the fans to greater heights of volume and chaos as others slapped the padded walls to disturb and distract my Astros.  I suspect profanities and slurs about birth mothers were hurled at Houston’s squad with abandon.  KC was equally vocal and nasty as they won only one of two in their hometown (that there is a big funny).  A rain delay soaked our gloves and slickened the baseballs; we don’t experience that in the Bayou City because—cough-cough—we put a roof on our house.  The Astros had to endure the sleet-laden winter at the Cell in 2005.  It’s a modern stadium but they chose not to utilize modern technology to enclose it to make the play below fair.

So advise me why we in Houston have to take steps to insure the Royals play in the most comfortable environment. Did the league ask the Yankee or Royals fans not to taunt, curse or harass my Stros?  Did they ban the idiots in the outfield from trying to make Colby Rasmus muff a routine fly ball?  What about the awful glare in the outfield at Kauffman Stadium?  Did Butt Selig II demand that the Royals put up mesh screening to shield the eyes of the team from Houston that had the good sense and decency to cover their home field?  Of course not; as far as I am concerned, you play on the field that you play on.  And you win or lose without whining.

Slam the lid on the JuiceBox closed and bring the noise.  Think spinning baby blue towels and screaming at Kauffman were groovy Royals fans?  Well, welcome to the Great State of Texas and in particular, welcome to Houston.  Stop whining and wear earplugs.

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KC Baker
About the Author

K.C. Baker is an old school Astros fan, spending many a hot summer day in the cool confines of the Dome. He just finished his 28th year as a practicing attorney and likes to spend all of his spare time in New Braunfels, Texas with his wife of 29 years and their three children. Follow him on Twitter @KenCBake

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